Cheapass Games Releases President’s 2005 Tax Returns

 Seattle, WA—April 1, 2017. Cheapass Games have come into possession of shocking and revelatory documents concerning their own president’s financial dealings as well as possible ties to domestic powers.

These documents are coming to light during what can only be described as a tumultuous and scandal-ridden period, James Ernest’s first 100 days of his twenty-second year as president of Cheapass Games.

Before linking to these documents, we want to let you know that what they contain is groundbreaking and shocking. And you are not going to see them anywhere else. Just here.

Take a long slow minute to think about that. Take another. That’s good. Breathe it in.

Linked here are the actual 2005 tax returns of James Ernest and family, then a jointly-owned sole proprietorship in Washington state. Using the pragmanym “John Miller,” James Ernest and his beautiful first wife Carol Monahan, according to these documents being made available for the first time today, have clearly paid no federal income taxes, a triumph which by today’s standards shows that he is a genius and is eminently qualified to be president, if only of a small tabletop game company in the Pacific Northwest.

Unreachable for comment, James Ernest nevertheless had this to say about these astounding revelations this morning, tweeting:

Although this 2005 tax return is absurdly out of date and tells us nothing of the current financial health of Cheapass Games, we hope it will nevertheless serve as a stirring reminder of the greatness of our president, and his willingness to abide by the letter of the law in order to suck hundreds of dollars in taxpayer money from the federal government.

About Cheapass Games

Cheapass Games is a small tabletop game company in the Pacific Northwest. They make small tabletop games and continue to abide by the letter of the tax code. James Ernest has been their unelected president since 1996, and vows one day to repeal and replace every game the company has ever published. So far he is 0 for 174.